You'll notice there's no comic today, either. Hopefully next week will be different? Odds are 50/50, though.
There's a reason there's no comic today, and it's also the reason updates have been so spotty lately, and I'll talk to you about that behind the cut, where you can pretend we're sitting down for tea and cookies (the cookies can be vegan or gluten-free or loaded with candied bacon or however you like, because this is all in your ~*imagination*~) while I pour my heart out to you and possibly share more than I should.
If you don't want to hear the long story, allow me to summarize:
- Artist is having creative issues and personal issues.
- Burnout is imminent.
- Updates will be spotty until this is corrected.
For everyone else who is curious or just wants to gorge on imaginary cookies, I'll catch you behind the LJ-cut.
So things have been a little tough lately. I've moved to a brand new city I'd never been to before, where I don't know anyone – and I'm an introvert with social anxiety issues. Telling me to go out and meet people is like telling an oven to wash dishes: I'm not sure if I'm equipped to be able to do that. And when I'm stressed about not being able to wash dishes, I end up undercooking the cake I was supposed to make.
Also my metaphors tend to involve baked goods and not make a lot of sense. Actually, that was a simile, wasn’t it? Hell, I don’t even know anymore.
So I'm stressed and also I'm working hard, and it's clearly having an effect on the comic production and overall how I feel about the comic. OPB started for a lot of reasons. I really wanted to write a long-running mystery comic and challenge myself as a cartoonist. It's all in the name of growing and having fun, right? Anyway, I sat down, plotted the whole thing over a few weeks/months, and had the story down to each last twist and plot point.
This is part of the problem. I've been writing it since 2007, and it's almost 2012. I am unfortunately a fickle creature, and I write comics that end because I know I'm going to get bored and want to do something new.
OPB's main story is so tight that I can't deviate from it much. It's stifling me, in a way. I have had the next page half-sketched for weeks now and I can't bring myself to just put pencil to paper and finish it. I am also aware how crazy that sounds, and I appeal to you to be kind and understand that the fact that feeling like I can't do it is deeply upsetting to me.
OPB may've been a good idea, but as a friend put it, "Possibly the fact that you've gone through hell while making it has put a damper on your enthusiasm." Which is true. I started planning OPB in late 07. In the time since, I've been through everything from hurricanes to grad school and a lot of stuff in between. My personal issues translate to creative issues, and that has been a problem with OPB. As real life eats more of my time, I have to slow the updates down, and as the updates slow, OPB lasts longer, and I get more and more antsy.
There are about 200 pages left, and right now I don't know if I can draw them all.
This may pass. I may feel better and go back to 3x a week. Or I may post the scripts to the rest of the issues so you can see read them and get some closure that way. I mean, the story's done; I just have to pretty it up a little.
God, this is long and potentially overshare-y. Did anyone read this? Does anyone still care? But that's what's going on with me.
So how're you today?
| | Stan (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=91.6){kind=small} crotalus_atrox) wrote in ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif?v=91.6){kind=small} otherpeoplesbiz, |
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October 19 2011, 12:17:55 UTC 7 months ago
So yeah, take your time. :D
October 20 2011, 12:03:43 UTC 6 months ago
October 19 2011, 12:29:06 UTC 7 months ago
*cookies! With walnuts and chocolate chips*
Take the time to take care of you first :) The rest of us can totally wait!
October 20 2011, 12:06:02 UTC 6 months ago
October 19 2011, 12:35:18 UTC 7 months ago
October 20 2011, 12:08:32 UTC 6 months ago
October 19 2011, 12:50:48 UTC 7 months ago
I get the social anxiety thing. I made a lot of friends through my vices (smoking, drinking, rock and roll etc) but I realized the other day most of them are just party buddies. I think it's hard to meet people, so it's not just a exclusively "you" thing. So don't stress, meeting people is hard at first but it ends up just happening. It's weird and I'm explaining it badly so I'll stop.
I've always thought of OPB as One Thousand and One Nights and you as Scheherazade. I really like OPB and I loved FH. When I was having shitty days in high school (and there were a lot of shitty days) that was the little thing that just cheered me up enough to keep going.
I like OPB updates and I do get a little disappointed when it doesn't happen. Every fibre of my being wants you to publish the script (I really wanna know what's going on :)) but I don't think that would be the right thing. This story is amazing. I don't really think it would give it justice. It's a fantastic thing you've created and I'd hate to see you give up on it.
I think the problem may come from you thinking that you *have* to do OPB. Once it becomes an obligation it kind of sucks the fun out. I would recommend you try and make if fun again. I don't know how you'd do that though. I watch cartoons and listen overly cheerful pop music.
My day? It was long and now it's nearly Thursday. I went to school, then the gym and then work. Didn't even get to cook dinner. I love cooking *sniffs*
October 20 2011, 12:19:42 UTC 6 months ago
That is a really sweet comparison, I have to say. I'm glad that my comics helped brighten up your days. High school is a bit of hell.
Admittedly, part of me worries the art doesn't give it justice; it looks so different in my head to what my own style can do with it.
I'm trying to think of how I can make it fun again, too.
Thank god, now it IS thursday, and tomorrow is friday, friday, gotta get down on friday. and maybe you'll get to cook soon?
October 19 2011, 12:51:20 UTC 7 months ago
Anyway, this isn't about me, but I just wanted to say, I understand exactly how you feel. It's like you kind of want to be creative, but you feel like you physically can't commit anything to paper, even as another part of you realises how silly that is. Basically, I feel like I could have written this post, slightly awkward metaphors and all. ;)
I guess what I'm trying to say is, yes I read it, yes I care, and you should just do whatever feels right, whether that be an hiatus of however many weeks or months you need, posting scripts, or something else entirely. Oh, and also, *big virtual hug*. With chocolate cookies.
October 20 2011, 22:40:32 UTC 6 months ago
*big hugs right back* Thank you very much. I love chocolate.
October 19 2011, 12:56:04 UTC 7 months ago
Take your time. I don't mind waiting for the comic.
Thanks for the chocolate chip cookies by the way.
October 20 2011, 22:41:03 UTC 6 months ago
Thank you, I’m glad you feel that way.
October 19 2011, 13:11:11 UTC 7 months ago
Maybe you could do a few little AU bits using the characters, just to remind yourself why you love them so much? Like a snippet way back in the day, showing Danny and Mercedes being good friends. Or between Danny and Fox hanging out, talking about random things. Possibly including rating the people around them on a hotness scale.
Or, uh, you could just let yourself take a break and get a handle on things again, which is maybe the better choice.
October 20 2011, 22:51:50 UTC 6 months ago
Maybe. I’ll give it a shot, but part of the problem is that I’m tired of drawing the characters. :\ But those are cute ideas. :)
October 19 2011, 13:16:56 UTC 7 months ago
I'll follow that one too :)
October 20 2011, 23:00:40 UTC 6 months ago
And thank you. :) I hope you do.
October 19 2011, 13:42:50 UTC 7 months ago
Second, I too have recently moved to a strange place. I will admit that mine is a college campus and thankfully my best friend lives about a half an house away or I would be going crazy. I didn't want to, but I forced myself to go out to something I knew I would enjoy, the UW-Whitewater Knitting and Crochet Club, and by doing that, I was able to make a few new friends and I feel like I belong here. My roommates are insane, but that's a whole other story...
Anyway! *more hugs* If you ever need to bitch, please feel free to shoot me a message on here? I am a professional 'bitch-ee', and I'm rarely not available for it ^_^
October 20 2011, 23:01:09 UTC 6 months ago
Yeah, sometimes you have to force yourself to get out. I explore every weekend, even if I’m feeling down or whatever. I still haven’t had any luck with meeting people, but at least I have a bake-shop I’m a regular at, now.
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October 19 2011, 13:44:36 UTC 7 months ago
you do what you have to do. Moving sucks, meeting new people sucks. Don't feel like you *have* to do OPB. It's an awesome story, and we love reading it, but if you aren't having fun it isn't worth it.
My day? I was awake for 20 hours straight and hit a deer driving home. (The deer was fine, but it was super scary for both of us!)
October 20 2011, 23:04:47 UTC 6 months ago
Good lord! I hope both you and the deer got some much needed rest.
October 19 2011, 13:55:26 UTC 7 months ago
nothing's worth gettin' burnt out on. it's not like you're going to seriously damage the world if you even snapped and just dropped the comic entirely and yelled "NO MORE I AM TIRED FUCK ALL THIS", honestly? (i'd personally be TERRIBLY SAD, obviously, but i think ultimately what you do is really other people's [you, namely] business.) we all seem to understand. and hey, we'll be there anyway. good luck. ♥
October 20 2011, 23:05:06 UTC 6 months ago
Thank you. :) ♥
October 19 2011, 14:00:00 UTC 7 months ago
I sympathize 200% with what you're going through. I'm currently in the final year of my PhD-- and it's worth mention that, for some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to go to grad school in a foreign country where I didn't know anyone. And I'm an introvert with social anxiety issues. (Of course, over the past 4 years I've met lots of great friends, including my wonderful partner, but it did take quite a while.) And, going into the final year of my PhD, I've been diagnosed with clinical depression and have been having lots of difficulty with that. I'm in counselling and on medication, and it helps, but it's still made sitting down to write the dang thesis a pretty insurmountable thing most days. And it's almost completely destroyed my ability to follow any of my creative pursuits, like writing or music.
So, yeah, I definitely get where you're coming from. I've always been impressed by your work, especially with OPB: from the bits of your personal life you share, it's clear that you've got a real, grown-up, career job... and yet you still consistently create comics that have better writing and art than a lot of full-time webcomic artists. And as much as I really do want to find out what the hell is going on in OPB, the health and happiness of the cartoonist comes first.
I've been following your stuff since waaaaaay back in 2002, when I was a weensy college freshman hanging Boy Meets Boy comics on my dorm room door. And I've loved your work ever since. If you decide you can't finish OPB, I'll read the next thing you do and probably love that. If you decide to put it aside and finish it in five years, I'll read it then. I liked the suggestion from
Internet hugs from a stranger! Keep on truckin' and don't let the bastards get you down. And enjoy all the e-cookies. ♥
October 20 2011, 23:05:34 UTC 6 months ago
Yeah, when I was in grad school, it took me a good six months to establish myself and start making connections. These things take time, and logically, I’m aware of that… illogically, I get disappointed and unhappy. I think depression may be the default state of grad school students, honestly. *s*
What’s funny is that my real-life grown-up career job is pretty distant from cartooning. I wear a suit. I use words like the ones Mercedes and Hilary blank-faced at in the past few pages.
I was a college freshman in 02, too. :) I liked Squeemu’s suggestion, too, and will see if it might work – I think my problem is more with drawing than writing. :\
Internet hugs right back. :) Thank you!
October 19 2011, 14:49:32 UTC 7 months ago
But, ultimately, it's important that you come before the comics. If you need to not worry about working on anything, do that. If you need to work on another comic, do that. If you need to paint stick figures on your walls with sharpie
do thattalk to your landlord first. And... and this one pains me a bit to say but if you need to not finish OPB then you need to not finish OPB.Whatever you decide, it will work out one way or another and you definitely aren't alone :)
October 20 2011, 23:06:03 UTC 6 months ago
Thank you. I think I’ll do some work on Cat Sick, which is inherently selfish (I’ll post more about that later), and try to figure out what I’m doing with OPB.
October 19 2011, 14:49:56 UTC 7 months ago
There are many advantages to serial storytelling, but sometimes you can get bored with a particular angle, it drags you down, and even if you force yourself to finish it, it'll never be as good as when you were still enthusiastic about it.
But just because OPB has a plan doesn't mean you're obligated to follow it. This is your series. Moreover, this is a webcomic: arguably the most flexible literary medium there is. You have the freedom to change the protagonist, change the format, go explore some other part of the 'verse if you like.
Creatively speaking, it's obviously a risk. Your readers are invested in the mystery, in Danny and her friends, and quite likely in Fox, Collin and Leon still. But this strategy has been used before, and successfully. There's even a trope. :)
October 20 2011, 23:07:47 UTC 6 months ago
Going along with the “change the script” idea, though, I wonder where the point comes where it’s just a completely different comic, to the point where it’s not worth keeping as OPB anymore. And of course, the problem is that I think I’m tired of working with the ‘verse, y’know? The story’s done, I like the story, and I think on some level I’m feel that I’m done with it.
[Hopefully this doesn’t come across as antagonistic! You made a lot of good points, and I know I’m essentially going “yeah, but--,” but I don’t mean it antagonistically, just as a sort of discussion.]
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October 19 2011, 15:05:22 UTC 7 months ago
Do what you need to do. Take a break, take a vacation, take the story and just give us the script while you go off and find your muse again. I love your art, I love your storytelling, I've been following you for around a decade and I'd cry if we lost you to burnout permanently.
Maybe you should do a few short things, so you can remind yourself what an accomplishment it is to finish before things get stale. Not sure what else to advise here. No matter what, good luck. Whatever new project you do, I'm sure I'll read it.... (You know. The first few pages right away. The rest of it a year later when I'm catching up on things again. Like I always seem to do.)
October 20 2011, 23:12:30 UTC 6 months ago
Thank you very much! I didn’t mention anything about it, but around August of last year, I almost did burn out permanently. I wasn’t able to write anymore for awhile, but to be fair, I was going through a really hardcore clinical depression after losing a job. Thank you for following me around for that long, by the way.
October 19 2011, 15:10:18 UTC 7 months ago
candied whaa..?
Seriously, though. candied bacon? Does that really exist? Criminy!Try not to beat yourself up about whether or not you keep making OPB. Cthulhu won't rise up from the depths & devour us with chilli dipping sauce if you decide not to do it anymore*. You make beautiful stories & put them up on the internet for free, you don't owe us anything and none of us have the right to demand that you keep doing something you're not enjoying.
I'm English, so have gingernuts (insert smutty comment here)
*I love your comics, and a large part of my brain is kicking my shins and muttering 'shut up' as I write
October 19 2011, 17:32:20 UTC 7 months ago
Re: candied whaa..?
YUP. A friend of mine smokes her own bacon, and as an extension, has experimented in pretty unhealthy ways with bacon. Candied bacon worked really well in maple-based cookies, BTW.Bacon smores were a-fucking-mazing.
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October 19 2011, 15:20:10 UTC 7 months ago
October 20 2011, 23:17:39 UTC 6 months ago
October 19 2011, 15:20:59 UTC 7 months ago
I have general anxiety disorder. Sometimes, the simplest things just seem so big and so awful I can't even think about doing them. Some days, I can't even leave the house. It is crazy, but it's not a crazy I have much control over. And if anyone gets down on your for your crazy, they're jackasses.
I hope you've been seeing a doctor about it, though. I was on a medication that kept me pretty not-crazy for a long time. It stopped working, unfortunately, so I'm back in a crazy place. But I tell you, it's worth the effort for finding that not-crazy place again.
October 20 2011, 23:17:57 UTC 6 months ago
I was seeing a doctor, but with the job/location change, I haven’t been able to find or afford one at this point. :(
October 19 2011, 15:39:11 UTC 7 months ago
Still reading, still care. I'd love to see the comic continue, but I understand that behind it is an actual human being with an actual life, and that you being able to keep your life livable is more important than cranking out a webcomic for a bunch of strangers.
I also understand the feeling of being constrained by a pre-written story - I've had similar feelings with creative projects sometimes that I overplanned. Planning is good to a certain extent, but if it starts to feel like a straitjacket, it may be time to change the plan, in order to allow creating to become fun again.
Here's an interesting mental exercise: try thinking of the story as if it were a role-playing game you were running, with the main characters as the players. Imagine that you'd come up with this elaborate, detailed plot for a long-running campaign - and then one or more of your players, as players are wont to do, does something you totally did not expect, forcing you to improvise on the fly, throw out some aspects of your carefully crafted plotline, and create new ones instead. Here are a few examples of things like that that players have actually done, in real role-playing games I've run or played in:
Those are just a few examples, and obviously not all of them applicable in a story like this - the point being, these were all times when the game master/storyteller had everything worked out, and then one or more characters threw a monkeywrench into the plot and made it all turn out differently - and in most cases, much more interesting.
So, how does this apply when you're writing a story, rather than trying to wrangle mischievous gamers? Basically, it means this: give your characters a bit of free will. Let them come to life in your head and give them the option of behaving differently than you'd intended. Don't be afraid to deviate from the story you originally wrote, or twist it in new directions. Explore the what-ifs. Embrace change. As Catherynne Valente said in an interview on the "mythpunk" genre in Strange Horizons: "Break it. It will be beautiful"
October 19 2011, 16:11:55 UTC 7 months ago
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October 19 2011, 16:10:29 UTC 7 months ago
As for the comic, yeah, everything points to you wanting to run screaming from it. It's supposed to be your hobby, and when your hobby feels like a job that has a shit ton of bad memories attached, it stops working as the release it's supposed to be. Maybe you just need to take a break. Stop doing it for a month or two, then pick it up again. I'm writing a book right now, and I've been doing it for close to a year. When it gets tedious, I stop and do something else instead like draw or vid for a month, then get back to it when I start to miss it. I know I'll finish it because it's important to me, and I always start to miss it, but I just can't force myself to write when I'm not feeling it. So I don't.
October 20 2011, 23:28:19 UTC 6 months ago
*nod* Very good advice. I don’t know if OPB is important enough to me, though, to finish drawing it.
October 19 2011, 17:24:38 UTC 7 months ago
Good luck with the new city! Sometimes it take a while, but I'm sure you'll come to love it.
October 20 2011, 23:48:11 UTC 6 months ago
Hello. :) Thank you for leaving this comment, it means a lot; plus it references my favorite TV show and my favorite recent moment in it (either that or Brother Nature playing with puppies).
I love the New City, believe it or not – I just need some friends here. *s*
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October 19 2011, 17:27:47 UTC 7 months ago
As someone who has not-too-long-ago moved to a brand-new city, and now has lots of new friends: Become a regular at a something. A dance night, sketch club, trivia night, pirate gathering-- whatever-- as long as you enjoy the activity. The right people will find you eventually.
October 20 2011, 23:51:45 UTC 6 months ago
See, doing things like that involves getting over the social anxiety bit, which seems like it should be easy, but actually isn't. :) I mean, I go there and I don’t know anyone and where will I stand, and what will I do when the regulars cluster around and chat with each other and if I approach I get funny looks and curt answers to my attempts to integrate, etc. BUT. It is definitely a good idea and worth doing if I can get the stability and bravery enough to do so. :)
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October 19 2011, 17:37:42 UTC 7 months ago
I wish you a long breather. And that you aren't really alone. And that a break will just give you a hankering for drawing these characters again. All the best!
October 20 2011, 23:55:24 UTC 6 months ago
October 19 2011, 18:22:08 UTC 7 months ago
Sick DonIago is Sick...But Cares!
Hey there, I'm not at all in a very clear frame of mind, but I'm sorry to hear you're running into such creative difficulties.I too know the difficulties of socializing when one isn't an especially social creature to start with.
For whatever it's worth, I'll be in the NYC area around Thanksgiving, and I'd love to meet a web-comic author. If a web-comic author wanted to be met. And I'm a gay guy, so there's not much room for stalkerishness even if I wasn't just in the area for a visit. Heh.
I hope things get better!
October 20 2011, 23:55:45 UTC 6 months ago
Re: Sick DonIago is Sick...But Cares!
That’s very sweet, but I’m going out of town for Thanksgiving. Regardless, thank you for caring. :)October 19 2011, 18:34:37 UTC 7 months ago
anyway. if you're starting to burn out, take a break - it will be better for the story but more importantly will be better for you. and if you still can't make yourself finish opb after you've had some time off, post the scripts for closure and call it done. you'll at least be letting us know how it ends, which is something.
you have to do what makes you happiest and stresses you out the least, and if that means ending the comic, well, so be it.
(2007? seriously? damn.)
October 21 2011, 00:05:02 UTC 6 months ago
Heck, in your fantasy, they are healthier than anything. :D
Yep. I mean, we talked about this, and I think I’m thinking about this from the right place now, where it’s mostly about me not having time or energy or passion for it, and not so much the external sources anymore. So whatever happens, I can feel good about it.
(2007! I started planning it when I knew FH would end – it grew out of FH, but I thought it’d be really depressing to have a comic all about Fox coping with a breakup and Collin learning to date, which he never really did.)
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